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  1. #9001
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  4. #9002
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  6. #9003
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  8. #9004
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  10. #9005
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  12. #9006
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  14. #9007
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    Ouch
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  16. #9008
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    .??
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  18. #9009
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    Yep
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  20. #9010
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    Yep again
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  22. #9011
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    Interesting van anomalies

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  26. #9013
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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  28. #9014
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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  30. #9015
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    I was standing at the urinal relieving myself and noticed the guy next to me was just finishing up.

    He promptly walked over to the sinks and started washing his hands. I on the other hand finished up and headed for the exit.

    He said in a loud voice, "Aren't you going to wash your hands? I went to the University of Arizona and they taught us to always wash our hands after urinating."

    I said, "That's nice. I went to Arizona State University and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2014 14.2 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  32. #9016
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    For almost three years now, I've suffered from terrible sneezing fits. Often for over an hour at a time. My nose constantly runs too, and nothing I do or take seems to stop it.

    I eventually reached breaking point and decided to visit my doctor in the hope he could help.

    After a thorough examination and finding nothing physically wrong, I was sent for tests, the results of which came back today.

    Turns out I'm allergic to Kleenex.
    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  34. #9017
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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  36. #9018
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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  38. #9019
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    Go to put an oldie in sometime!

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  40. #9020
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    Spelling appears to be a lost art.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2014 14.2 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  42. #9021
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  44. #9022
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    This is no joke
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  46. #9023
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  48. #9024
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  50. #9025
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  52. #9026
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    Ouch
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  54. #9027
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    Yes!!!!!!
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  56. #9028
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    Worst joke EVER
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  58. #9029
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    Works for me
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  60. #9030
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    Mel Blanc, the voice actor of Looney Tunes fame, woke from a coma and said "What's up doc?"
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  62. #9031
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  64. #9032
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    .
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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

  69. #9035
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    Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge room of their nursing home one evening.

    The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."

    The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.

    The old man continued,
    "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."

    The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.

    "So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.

    "Get serious," she replies, "Four times in the rocking chair."
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

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  71. #9036
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    TO ALL THE
    KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
    1930s, '40s, '50s,
    '60s and '70s!!


    First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.


    They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.


    Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.


    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.


    As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..


    Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.


    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.
    And we weren't overweight.

    WHY?

    Because we were always outside playing...that's why!


    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. -- And, we were OKAY.




    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..


    We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers,
    no Internet and no chat rooms.



    WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!


    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

    We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

    We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.


    We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, 22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses,made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and - although we were told it would happen - we did not put out very many eyes.


    We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.


    Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!


    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!




    These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.


    The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..


    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.



    If YOU are
    one of those born
    between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

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    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
    A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
    However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with Motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
    MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of Motorcycle kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
    They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single crow could shout "Motorcycle"

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  78. #9040
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    Quote Originally Posted by notacop View Post
    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
    A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
    However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with Motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
    MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of Motorcycle kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
    They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single crow could shout "Motorcycle"

    It first happened in Cork only a few days ago - here's my post #8986 to prove it .

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    Of course it could have been the same crows that had flown over the pond!
    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  80. #9041
    notacop is offline The original Schwartz Wald Troll
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    I don't claim originality.
    Oddly enough i haven't seen many of these posts and will have to spend some time viewing and appreciating the entries here!

    "Of course it could have been the same crows that had flown over the pond!"

    Good point, they were all dead due to lack of communication!

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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    "I don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many - enjoy it - you may live to 100!"  

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  96. #9049
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    I actually have a Scientology radiator badge that I got at a sale and have mounted on my motorcycle.
    As L Ron said, if your going to make any money, Start a religion.
    No Joke!

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