Worst Jokes Ever!!! - BMW F800 Riders Forum & Registry



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  1. #24401
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  4. #24402
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    My Daughter just walked into the living room and said “Dad, cancel my pocket money immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and stereo and iPhone and iPod and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Convertors. Then sell my new car, take my front door key off me and kick me out the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.” Well, she didn’t put it quite like that... she actually said… Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed!”

    DO NOT TOUCH! Must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

    You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front you? That's how I lost my job as a gynecologist.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior.

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  6. #24403
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  8. #24404
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  10. #24405
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  12. #24406
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  14. #24407
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  16. #24408
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  18. #24409
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    My wife informed me as it's valentine's day tomorrow she wants us to make love on a bed of roses.

    I'm getting thorny just thinking about it.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior.

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  20. #24410
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    My girlfriend likes to talk dirty during sex. She generally calls me from the hotel room.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  22. #24411
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    A politician was visiting a rural community and asked a farmer what was needed. The farmer said they had no local doctor. The politician pulled out his cell phone, made a call, and told the farmer a doctor was on the way. The farmer thanked him and said they could also use a cell tower as they had no cell phone reception.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  24. #24412
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  26. #24413
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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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  28. #24414
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    A young lad went to confession.
    "Forgive me father for I have sinned,last night I masturbated about my sister".
    The Priest replied "You wicked boy and you having two beautiful brothers as well."
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior.

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  30. #24415
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard230 View Post
    A young lad went to confession.
    "Forgive me father for I have sinned,last night I masturbated about my sister".
    The Priest replied "You wicked boy and you having two beautiful brothers as well."
    I'm going straight to hell for laughing out loud.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  32. #24416
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  34. #24417
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  36. #24418
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  38. #24419
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildWilly View Post
    I'm going straight to hell for laughing out loud.
    I'm sad to say you'll be in the waiting room for a long, long time as hell must be full up by now as the church removed limbo and are still processing them so there's a tremendous back log. My next question is: where were the previous occupants of limbo moved to? I have sleepless nights worrying about their plight.
    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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  40. #24420
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxytotl View Post
    I'm sad to say you'll be in the waiting room for a long, long time as hell must be full up by now as the church removed limbo and are still processing them so there's a tremendous back log. My next question is: where were the previous occupants of limbo moved to? I have sleepless nights worrying about their plight.
    When they said eating meat on Friday was no longer a mortal sin, I asked our parish priest if all the people in hell for doing that, got out. He had no sense of,humor.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  42. #24421
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildWilly View Post
    When they said eating meat on Friday was no longer a mortal sin, I asked our parish priest if all the people in hell for doing that, got out. He had no sense of,humor.
    The only people who lost out with that edict were the fishmongers. I wonder if they have case to sue the church for loss of business?
    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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  44. #24422
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  46. #24423
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  48. #24424
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    A man with a plan.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior.

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  50. #24425
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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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  52. #24426
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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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  54. #24427
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxytotl View Post
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    Christian eaters? It depends on how they're cooked.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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  56. #24428
    Cascade Locks, Oregon, US Roadpizza is offline Volunteer Moderator - Global
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    Oh, for the love of God...
    http://www.thefcconnection.com/pictu...the_week22.htm
    BMW F800S.
    po tym jak zatwierdz wiadomo

    Ezekiel 23:19-20

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  58. #24429
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    Great mental exercise for the over-60's. Which of the following names are you familiar with?




    1. Monica Lewinski

    2. Spiro Agnew

    3. Benito Mussolini

    4. Adolf Hitler

    5. Jorge Bergogliog

    6. Alfonse Capone

    7. Vladimir Putin

    8. Linda Lovelace

    9. Saddam Hussein

    10. Tiger Woods




    You had trouble with number 5, didnt you? You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts,and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    Trumps 29th Trip To Mar-a-Lago Brings Golf Tab To 334 Years Of Presidential Salary

    The president often brags about not taking a paycheck, but his golf hobby has now cost taxpayers $133.8 million.
    http://www.thefcconnection.com/pictu...the_week22.htm
    BMW F800S.
    po tym jak zatwierdz wiadomo

    Ezekiel 23:19-20

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    Google-Fu
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph T-100 Bonneville, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior.

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    Cascade Locks, Oregon, US Roadpizza is offline Volunteer Moderator - Global
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    Scott Adams solved American gun violence back in 1998:
    Dilbert: What's your position on gun ownership, Dogbert?
    Dogbert: I believe everyone should have the right to own guns.
    Dilbert: What about automatic weapons?
    Dogbert: I'm all for them.
    Dogbert: Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too.
    Dogbert: I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice.
    Dogbert: However, I also believe that only *I* should have ammunition.
    Dogbert: Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
    Dilbert: What about Charlton Heston?
    Dogbert: I'd keep the string away from him.
    http://www.thefcconnection.com/pictu...the_week22.htm
    BMW F800S.
    po tym jak zatwierdz wiadomo

    Ezekiel 23:19-20

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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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    "Age is a privilege denied to many - enjoy it as we may all still be able to ride our F800s up to our 100th birthday and beyond!"

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    At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.
    At the session last week, the priest asked Pete, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
    Pete replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend a lot of money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
    The priest responded, "Pete, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"
    Pete proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st

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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
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