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  1. #25551
    WildWilly's Avatar
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    I read somewhere that too much alcohol is bad for you. I immediately quit reading.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  4. #25552
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    Motorcycle
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    the old ones are the best
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

  5. #25553
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flook View Post
    the old ones are the best
    That is why they are still around.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  6. #25554
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    I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in my way.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  8. #25555
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    Why didn't the crab share? He was shellfish.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  10. #25556
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    Here is a good one.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  12. #25557
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    Slow news day and I'm munching on a 3lb bag of Cheetos.
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  14. #25558
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    .
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  16. #25559
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    NBC is now pulling the Wizard of Oz because it is offensive to people without brains.
    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  18. #25560
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildWilly View Post
    NBC is now pulling the Wizard of Oz because it is offensive to people without brains.
    And a heart?
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  20. #25561
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    Your smile for today!!
    The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said,"I would like to withdraw $500."
    The female teller told her, "For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM."
    The old lady then asked, "Why?"
    The teller irritably told her, "These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you."
    She then returned the card to the old lady.


    The old lady remained silent... but then she returned the card to the teller and said, "Please help me withdraw all the money I have."
    The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, "My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?"
    The old lady then asked, "How much am I able to withdraw now?"
    The teller told her, "Any amount up to $300,000"
    The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.
    The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.
    The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.
    Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

  21. #25562
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    .
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  23. #25563
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    ,
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  25. #25564
    WildWilly's Avatar
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    ,
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  27. #25565
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    ,
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    2013 F800GT Graphite Metallic
    Not a 2nd childhood, still in the 1st 

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  29. #25566
    oxytotl's Avatar
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  31. #25567
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxytotl View Post
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    Is Moses Irish?
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  32. #25568
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard230 View Post
    Is Moses Irish?
    It should say 'was' as he's not thought to still be alive , but who knows! St. Patrick was believed to be Romano-British. Stranger things have happened at sea!
    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

  33. #25569
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    Beware of the Kraken, he loves Englishmen, and he serves good drinks as he is a ----- barsteward
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

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  35. #25570
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  37. #25571
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  39. #25572
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  41. #25573
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  43. #25574
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flook View Post
    Beware of the Kraken, he loves Englishmen, and he serves good drinks as he is a ----- barsteward
    Is he related to Phil McKraken?
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

  44. #25575
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    One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.

    "What's that?" he asked.

    She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

    Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly."

    She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

    "Here," she said, "You must put it in here."

    Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch.

    Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,"Why the hell did you do that for?"

    "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan!!..
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

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  46. #25576
    Flook's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve n rose View Post
    Is he related to Phil McKraken?
    No, his wife
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

  47. #25577
    notacop is offline The original Schwartz Wald Troll
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    Some of y'alls are making up for the missing Willy.
    Yeah, it's that bad.

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  49. #25578
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    Our bikes are quieter than yours.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  50. #25579
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    What's different about an illegitimate Rice Krispy?

    Snap, Crackle but no Pop.
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

  51. #25580
    oxytotl's Avatar
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    "I was cut out to be a genius. Unfortunately somebody forgot to put the pieces together"
    Tubby Clayton - Toc H founder 

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  53. #25581
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    Nothing new here, but they are still funny:

    A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE
    " We will heel you.
    We will save your sole.
    We will even dye for you."

    A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
    “Blind man driving.”

    Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
    "Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

    In a Podiatrist's office:
    "Time wounds all heels.”

    On a Septic Tank Truck:
    "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels."

    At an Optometrist's Office:
    "If you don't see what you're looking for,
    You've come to the right place.”

    On a Plumber's truck:
    "We repair what your husband fixed.”

    On another Plumber's truck:
    "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

    At a Tire Shop
    "Invite us to your next blowout.”

    On an Electrician's truck:
    "Let us remove your shorts.”

    In a Non-smoking Area:
    "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
    will take appropriate action with a fire extinguisher.”

    On a Maternity Room door:
    "Push. Push. Push.”

    At a Car Dealership:
    The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

    Outside a Muffler Shop:
    No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

    In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
    "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

    At the Electric Company:
    "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
    However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

    In a Restaurant window:
    "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

    In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
    "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

    At a Propane Filling Station:
    "Thank Heaven for little grills.”

    In a Radiator Shop:
    "Best place in town to take a leak.”

    And the best one for last:
    Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
    “Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises!”
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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