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  1. #26151
    Flook's Avatar
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    Richard the Aussies call us English Poms. The Americans are Yanks. Some call us Brits a:- bar steward/s

    Flattened
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  4. #26152
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flook View Post
    Richard the Aussies call us English Poms. The Americans are Yanks. Some call us Brits a:- bar steward/s

    Flattened
    It would be interesting to know how those names were first thought of. I wonder why the English are called Poms by the Aussies? I have always wondered why the British call Americans "Yanks"? And Mexicans call Americans Gringos. I guess you had to be there at the time.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  5. #26153
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    Check out my new ATV.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  6. #26154
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    I am glade he is wearing trouser braces
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  7. #26155
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flook View Post
    I am glade he is wearing trouser braces
    That makes two of us. Except we call them "suspenders" on this side of the Pond.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  8. #26156
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    Ah, suspenders, do not get me going, women wear them to hold up stockings, oooohhh nice.
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  9. #26157
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    Here are some more email cartoons received from an old friend. I just picked out the ones that I liked. BTW, you get what you pay for.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  11. #26158
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    And you didn't pay for these, I gather?
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
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    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

  12. #26159
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve n rose View Post
    And you didn't pay for these, I gather?
    Not a cent. They were shipped for free.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  13. #26160
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    Last one is for the arseholes (now I am band)
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  14. #26161
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    Richard (Snafu) should change his name to Richard 7 bikes
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  15. #26162
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    A 95 year old man goes in for his annual check up, only to find his old doctor has passed away.

    The young replacement checks him over and tells him he's in great shape for his age.

    "Aren't you forgetting something? Old doc Johnson always checked my sperm count.”

    "But you're 95" replies the youngster.

    The old man persists and gets his way. The doctor gives him a specimen bottle and tells him to return it with his sample.

    A few days later the old man returns with his head hung low and hands him the empty jar. The doctor smiles "Have a little trouble old timer?"

    The old man replies "Doc, I tried with my left hand and I tried with my right. Edith, God bless her, she tried with her teeth in and she tried with her teeth out...










    but we CANNOT get the lid off this bottle.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  17. #26163
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  19. #26164
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    A fellow on the Royal Enfield forum came up with this explanation of the old Soviet economic system which I thought was both funny and likely pretty accurate:

    Well, with the actual Soviet system you produced 4 widgets a day but recorded you made 6.

    The transport guy would pick up your 4 widgets to drop at the railway station but record he collected 6.

    The railway yard would receive the 4 real widgets and 2 imaginary ones and ship 2 real ones and 4 of the imaginary ones to Moscow and stockpile the other 2 real ones, as there was insufficient rolling stock available to ship 6 real widgets, and anyway maybe they could sell the left over real ones, that did not fit on the train, on the black market (there being no real black market for imaginary widgets) as they had not been paid in over a year and needed the cash.

    At Moscow the 6 widgets (2 real and 4 imaginary) would be put in storage. No one minded the shortfall, as there was insufficient space to store 6 real widgets anyway.

    An inventory at a later date would reveal that 4 of the stored widgets (the imaginary ones) had been stolen initiating an investigation into theft in the Moscow warehouses. Though no-one really cared because there was no actual demand for widgets as they were obsolete tech that no one really wanted.

    I suppose in a way it was a Cold War era forerunner of Futures Trading in the west - where people buy and sell imaginary cows.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  21. #26165
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    Anyone recall the song Ghost Riders in the Sky? Well, here is a new version, Ghost Chickens in the Sky: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkdci55adqk&t=5s
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  23. #26166
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  25. #26167
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    A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly… The sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.” The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?


    An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this, Father?” The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
    While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Son, go get your Mother.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  27. #26168
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    Someone on the Royal Enfield forum posted this photo, which gives you an idea of what interests them - tractors and babes.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  29. #26169
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    Karma vs. Dogma.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  31. #26170
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    On a F8 no doubt
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  33. #26171
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    The Walmart greeting.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  35. #26172
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    I bet he is an F8 rider though, greetings and may the force be with you Mr Walmart
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  36. #26173
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    And this is how the fight started, your Honor.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  37. #26174
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    All over a pussy
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  38. #26175
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flook View Post
    All over a pussy
    The word is that her boyfriend now has a red light suppository.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  39. #26176
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    DEAD HORSE

    "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse."

    However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

    1. Buying a stronger whip.

    2. Changing riders.

    3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

    4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead
    horses.

    5. Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.

    6. Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.

    7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

    8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

    9. Providing additional funding and / or training to increase dead horse's
    performance.

    10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the
    dead horse's performance.

    11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
    costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

    12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  41. #26177
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    I've never travelled overseas, but I did get an invitation to go to Paris at one time.
    I had a French letter with come in it.
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

  42. #26178
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    I can see the point of getting lots of shots from this nice lady.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  44. #26179
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  46. #26180
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    Just trying to stay healthy.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  48. #26181
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    There are calls for the military to airlift women and children out of Texas.

  49. #26182
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    It is interesting that no one predicted how fast the Taliban would take control of Texas.

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  51. #26183
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    The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Fred, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

    The first guy slept with Fred and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

    They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Fred snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

    The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

    They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Fred shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

    The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.

    Fred staggers in disheveled and eyes all bloodshot.
    So they asked "Man, what happened?"

    Bill said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Fred into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips.
    Fred sat up and watched me all night."
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  53. #26184
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    Well guys, here is likely the worst joke ever posted on this thread. Unfortunately it is true and not a joke: There is a very destructive fire that started a couple of weeks ago called the Fawn Fire located in Northern California, just north of Redding. So far it has burned over 8,537 acres, 41 homes and 90 other structures. It is still active and is currently 35% contained.

    The woman, Alexandra Souverneva, who started the fire is a 30-year-old graduate of the California Institute of Technology. While there she obtained two chemistry degrees and at one time worked in medicinal chemistry as a research associate at the biotech companies Gilead Sciences in Foster City and Nanosyn in Santa Clara, California. In her LinkedIn profile she describes herself as a "shaman" and is a registered member of the Green Party.

    Here is the punchline: This morning the news reported that she claims to have started the fire while boiling a pot of bear urine. She told investigators that she was hiking in the forest and became thirsty. She saw a large pool of liquid, which she assumed was bear urine. She decided to collect it and then boil it so that it would be safe to drink. During the boiling process (the report did not say what she was using as a pot to boil the urine) her fire got out of control and quickly started the Fawn Fire. If convicted of starting the fire she faces up to 9 years in state prison.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  54. #26185
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    I just received an email dump with a batch of old folks cartoons. Here are some of the better ones. And one more for us motorcycle garage mechanics.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  55. #26186
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    Q: What's round, brown, and sits on a piano bench?
    A: Beethoven's last movement.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  56. #26187
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    An engineer, mathematician and accountant are all applying for the same job. The engineer goes in first and the interviewer asks the engineer:
    "What's two plus two"
    The Engineer responds:
    "4, obviously but let's make it 5 to be on the safe side"
    ...
    Next, the mathematician walks in and the interviewer asks him:
    "What's two plus two?"
    The mathematician takes out a notebook and works for 30 minutes, gives the interviewer the notebook and says:
    "Here is a proof that demonstrates that 2+2 does, in fact, equal 4" ...

    Next the accountant walks in, and the interviewer asks:
    "What's two plus two"
    The accountant looks around, shuts the door, closes the blinds and asks the interviewer:
    "What do you want it to be?"
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  57. Likes Flook, IanA liked this post
  58. #26188
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    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  59. #26189
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    The UK gas crisis is starting to generate cartoons.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  60. #26190
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    Here is a good one.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  61. #26191
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    More funny cartoons.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  62. #26192
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    A preacher has a teenage son and decides it’s about time for him to choose a profession.

    Like most teens his age; the son isn’t too concerned about the subject.

    So the preacher decides to try an experiment.

    One day when the boy is at school he puts: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whiskey, and a Playboy magazine on the bed stand in the boys room.


    ‘I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up..”
    “If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
    “If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.

    “But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
    “And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
    The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

    Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.

    “Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  63. #26193
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    One for the Great WildWilly who passed on before I got back into motorcycling.

    I am proud Irish (O’Flaherty) so I can legally tell this bad Irish joke.

    What is the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral?

    One less drunk.

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  65. #26194
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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