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Worst Jokes Ever!!!

10M views 27K replies 81 participants last post by  Richard230 
#1 ·
What did the baby light bulb say to his mama? I love you watts and watts.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam!!"

Dyslexics of the world untie!!!

I often miss my ex, but my aim is improving

If you're opposed to gay marriage, blame straight couples. They're the ones having all the gay babies.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick.
 
#25,561 ·
Your smile for today!!
The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said,"I would like to withdraw $500."
The female teller told her, "For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM."
The old lady then asked, "Why?"
The teller irritably told her, "These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you."
She then returned the card to the old lady.


The old lady remained silent... but then she returned the card to the teller and said, "Please help me withdraw all the money I have."
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, "My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?"
The old lady then asked, "How much am I able to withdraw now?"
The teller told her, "Any amount up to $300,000"
The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.
The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.
The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.
Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.
 
#25,574 ·
Beware of the Kraken, he loves Englishmen, and he serves good drinks as he is a ----- barsteward
Is he related to Phil McKraken?
 
#25,575 ·
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

"Here," she said, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,"Why the hell did you do that for?"

"Checking for bees!" said Tarzan!!..
 
#25,579 ·
What's different about an illegitimate Rice Krispy?

Snap, Crackle but no Pop.
 
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