BMW F800 Forum banner

Worst Jokes Ever!!!

10M views 27K replies 81 participants last post by  Richard230 
#1 ·
What did the baby light bulb say to his mama? I love you watts and watts.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam!!"

Dyslexics of the world untie!!!

I often miss my ex, but my aim is improving

If you're opposed to gay marriage, blame straight couples. They're the ones having all the gay babies.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick.
 
#25,966 ·
ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
 
#25,970 ·
A concrete mixer has collided with a prison van.

The public have been advised to be on the look out for 16 hardened criminals
 
  • Like
Reactions: Richard230
#25,971 ·
I went to the doctor and asked for something for persistent wind.
He gave me a kite.

I said to the doc, "I've broken my arm in 3 places"
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places."
 
#25,972 ·
Why was there thunder and lightning in the research laboratory?

The scientists were brainstorming.
 
#25,973 ·
A man walks into the doctors with a strawberry in his ear.
The doctor said,"Don't worry I've got some cream for that."
 
#25,974 ·
Why did 5 and 6 look shocked?

Because 789.
 
#25,975 ·
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
 
#25,976 ·
Everyone at the wedding got very emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.
 
#25,977 ·
Teacher:"what is the chemical formula for water?"
Pupil:"HIJKLMNO"
Teacher:"what are you talking about?"
Pupil:"yesterday you said it was H to O."
 
Top