BMW F800 Forum banner

Worst Jokes Ever!!!

10M views 27K replies 81 participants last post by  Richard230 
#1 ·
What did the baby light bulb say to his mama? I love you watts and watts.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam!!"

Dyslexics of the world untie!!!

I often miss my ex, but my aim is improving

If you're opposed to gay marriage, blame straight couples. They're the ones having all the gay babies.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? Lipstick.
 
#26,141 ·
It has been my observation that most Irish jokes are told by the Irish. Many Irish men don't take themselves all that seriously. [:)]

When I was growing up the city that I lived in was run (politically) by Italian businessmen and the Irish did most of the manual labor (they seemed to love digging and fighting [;)] ) However I would hear very few Irish jokes, just about all of them were Italian jokes (that had probably been first told by Egyptians during Roman times) - likely retold by the Irish down at the local bars (of which there were many in town at the time) in between their barroom brawls. [uhoh]

When I was stationed just outside Boston, MA, the Italians there told Polish jokes. In other areas of the country, where many Polish people lived, they tell the exact same jokes about Italians.

No doubt the same sort of thing going is on in other areas of the world. Maybe even in Kiwi land. [:D]
 
  • Like
Reactions: Flook
#26,143 ·
Being Irish I always come across people that somehow think its funny to tell me "Irishman" or "Paddy" jokes, seriously, this happens quite a lot and i'm not a fan.
I have devised a way to leave them baffled, speechless and feeling a little stupid - without my getting angry.

In this situation after a few "Paddy" jokes have been told I lean in towards them with a smile and ask "Have you heard the Irish knock knock joke ?" .... To which they always eagerly reply "NO" anticipating a good laugh. I then say - "You start" - to which they always reply - "Knock knock" - I then ask "who's there ?"
and stand back in silence and watch the confusion flood their redenning expressions .... generally that pretty much does the trick and puts them in their box.

If they are so stupid that they cannot see that they have been ridiculed, I ascertain their nationaly and ask "How can you tell the age of a (their nationality) man/ woman ?" The normal answer is "Dunno" - to which I reply "Chop off their head and count the rings on their neck"
The answer to that one is ------- Wooden top
 
#26,144 ·
Here is a joke from a Frank & Ernest a cartoon in my newspaper today that I thought was kind of funny: The medical school professor asks his students: "who can define a bone ". The reply is" "the shortest distance between two joints". :rolleyes:
 
  • Like
Reactions: steve n rose
#26,145 ·
Outside the lion Park there's a notice stating the entry fees for cars and buses. It also states that Poms on bicycles are admitted free.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Flook
#26,146 ·
Did you here about the Pom who came out to Australia, married an Aussie prostitute and dragged her down to his level.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Flook
#26,148 ·
Where 2 pieces of wood are connected. [thumb]
 
#26,152 ·
Richard the Aussies call us English Poms. The Americans are Yanks. Some call us Brits a:- bar steward/s[:I][:D]

Flattened
It would be interesting to know how those names were first thought of. I wonder why the English are called Poms by the Aussies? I have always wondered why the British call Americans "Yanks"? And Mexicans call Americans Gringos. I guess you had to be there at the time. [;)]
 
#26,157 ·
Here are some more email cartoons received from an old friend. I just picked out the ones that I liked. BTW, you get what you pay for. [;)]
 

Attachments

  • Like
Reactions: Flook
#26,158 ·
And you didn't pay for these, I gather?
 
Top